Sunday, October 17, 2010

Building up for a long time.

Divorce Stinks.
There is no other way to say it. Watching a parent walk out on you, throwing in the towel. All because you turned 18 they think its perfectly fine to just cut all ties and move on to a new life with new friends. Ever since I was little, I have always known my parents were different. My dad never brought my mom flowers, they never said nice things to one another,  we never ate diner as  a family. I accepted that a long time ago. Growing up I loved going to friends houses just to see what a real family felt like, and see the love their parents had for one another, things I never felt. I also noticed growing up my father take care of my brothers every need. Even now as he is a grown man he still gives him money when he asks, puts gas in his car everyone in awhile, takes him out for dinner. I’ve had the opposite experience growing up. Begging for the littlest things, now being a college student he takes away my e-pass, then my car all because “his expenses are becoming harder”. As he buys himself a new house, new car,  expensive watches and diners.  Nothing can express the pain I feel every time I hear a father daughter song  because all I have ever wanted was for my dad to respect me. I know he loves me, and I probably sound like a selfish person as a write this because I do have a lot more than others, but it does not take away from the void I feel in my heart, that I have never been good enough for him. Even more the fear that I’m what drove him away. I hate the feeling of not knowing whats next, but thats when I remember We do not walk by sight but by faith.

The only thing that gives me hope is knowing my heavenly father loves me and will never leave me.

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