Its been awhile since I've posted anything. I wish I was still not writting about how I feel about my parents divorce but its still something effecting me even months latter. After the last blog I wrote someone who read it, made their opnion very clear that I need to get over this and just grow up. I could not agree more with that person, but to me this divorce is more than my parents relationship. Its a broken relationship with my dad and me, and even greater a broken relationship between my dad, God, and myself.
Not many people know but the only reason I choose to stay in Orlando for College was in hopes of building a relationship with my dad and demonstrating Gods love to him. Of course a week after graduating my dad said he was moving out and leaving a very angry confused daughter.
Not until recently have I realized that I was very cocky. I thought I had this plan of teaching my dad about God, and Jesus, and that I was going to do this. How wrong was I? Only God knows what is in my dads heart, and knows his plan for my dad.
When I should have been praying to God for guidance and comfort, I only took my frustration out on my dad acting out with an attitude at anything he said or did.
Philpians 2:5 Says have the attitude of Christ Jesus."
After going over this verse in depth this week at an amazing confrence, God spoke to my heart through this verse and many speakers that I need to humble myself to have a relationship with my dad that honors God. I came home knowing I would see my dad the next day, praying that the conversation lead into away I could tell him how I feel and what I learend and mabey have our first decent conversation about Jesus. God answered my prayers, but not in the way I thought he would. My dad brought up he went to christmas eve mass with his girlfriend... The words made me feel like I was being punched in the gut, hearing my dad talk about his girlfrend or even the fact he went to church with her, something I had begged him to do with me for years. But I realized this is how God wanted the subject to be approached and I went with it. While nothing major came from the conversation, I at least understand where my dad is in terms of belif's and was able to have my first real conversation with him in the longest time.
I just pray that I am able to Glorfiy God, in any and all that conversations I have.